I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize