If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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