when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
