well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
