You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
