If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
