This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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