at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
