I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
