If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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