I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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