The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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