In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
