Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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