I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
