If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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