low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
