We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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