I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
