you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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