Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
