next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
