there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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