you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
