I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am naked and annoyed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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