her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
