Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
