I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize