I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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