sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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