drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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