What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
