It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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