I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
