And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
