You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
