Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize