C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
