I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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