my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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