We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
