I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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