Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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