There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
