you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
