my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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