honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
