Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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