Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
