Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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