im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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