Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
