i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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