He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
