im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
