xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My breasts were aching with rage.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
