Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
