ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
