Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
