Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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