I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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