Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
