if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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