Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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