so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
