drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
