You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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