he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
