I wish I could teleport
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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