um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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